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Story Ten: My Bold and Colorful Dreams

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NOW, in my mid-thirties, I know what I am passionate about and I am happy. It was a painful journey to get here, but exactly because of this I do appreciate everything that much more. I am grateful that my life had not been an easy sailing which I wanted it to be. I am glad that my initial plan for my happiness didn’t work out. My life took me onto a much better path of living in foreign countries, traveling, meeting the love of my life and having my dream home in a beautiful Austrian countryside. If any of my stories were different, I wouldn’t be sitting in my sunlit Garden Room right now watching black birds playfully fighting on the green grass glittering from the morning dew… and feeling completely happy.
Now that I had discovered my passion for writing fiction and painting, my journey continues. I am slowly finishing my first book which I would love to see published. I would also like to start selling my paintings. My dream is to be a full-time author and artist. It will be an electrifying journey and an interesting one as I still need to work full-time at the same time. I will be sharing how this is going under Becoming Author & Artist section.
I am looking forward to sharing my future stories with you of following my passions and fulfilling my bold and colourful dreams.

“Follow your heart and your dreams will come true.” ―  Anonymous

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Story Nine: Help Towards Happiness Lights

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DURING a conference where I was sent to from work, 34 years old and restless, I chose two workshops which changed my life. At the time I felt devastated, I was not getting pregnant and I was also losing a lot of energy in a job where I was successful, however, one which I didn’t enjoy.
At this one workshop we were “forced” to meditate in a group for 20 minutes. I couldn’t believe how amazing it felt and how calming the experience was. I was hungry for more and I made a conscious decision to turn my logical brain off. I tried different types of meditations since then and I found the ones which are working for me. During my meditations I calm down, I get centred and my mind is sharp. I get brilliant ideas and inspirations for my creative projects.
The second workshop introduced me to the power of our thoughts and our energies. It sprang me into researching the topics further when I got home. I appreciate now that I need to master my own mind and thoughts to look after my own energy levels. Self-love is an important ingredient, as it creates a mind-set which is caring and positive. Practising mindfulness is also priceless in the mix, as I now take care of my thoughts, I am not dwelling on the past and I am not worrying about the future.
As a result of working on myself for some time now, I slowed down, I created time for ME and I started to appreciate living in the present. I feel happy and I appreciate the smallest things. After all these years, I discovered my passions! They were dormant up until now due to my busyness. I will talk about them in my story ten.
I am thankful now for all the circumstances, even though they were extremely difficult for me at the time. They really pushed me and in return I received the greatest gift. The gift which helped me to pause, to start loving myself, to appreciate living in the now and to do what I feel passionate about, in short, it helped me towards my happiness lights.
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Story Eight: Nagging Thoughts Are Here to Guide Us!

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FAST forward nine years and I was 34 years old, having my life nicely on my happiness track. Or did I? I was annoyed with myself that I still didn’t feel happy all the time. ‘Maybe I am one of those people that can’t be happy?’ I wondered. I have tried to be content and happy for so long! James and I were stronger than ever, we had a cosy fairytale wedding and we bought our dream house in the countryside. OK, I didn’t really like my job, but then who does? (…hmm, actually quite a lot of people!) It pays the mortgage on our lovely house and for our active holidays to Italy. ‘Besides I don’t have skills to do anything else.’ I kept telling myself. Did I feel restless because I was still not pregnant after two years of trying? Of course I did.
I was stressed from work, lying down on the sofa and browsing the Internet at 3 o’clock in the morning again. Then I saw something wonderful! A course on writing fiction. I didn’t remember the last time I was so excited and I signed myself up for it. ‘This is it! Why didn’t I think of it earlier?’ I was wondering. I always wanted to write and my head is constantly spinning with stories. It is just that my life got in the way. ‘I can do this!’ I was sure. I have the imagination (sometimes too much of it…) and I used to tell and write stories as a child. ‘How could I have blocked this out?’ I was amazed. During the course I could feel a long lost energy rushing back through my body and I felt so happy to be creating stories and characters again. After the course, full of drive, I started to work on my first book. I knew exactly what it was going to be about. After a while I realised that I was losing too much energy at work and I just didn’t have enough left to do what I felt so passionate about. I needed the weekend to recover from the work week and I slowly ceased writing, my life was getting in the way again.
I was then sent kicking and screaming to this huge conference from work. I didn’t know at the time that this would change my life and finally shake me awake. At the conference I learned about our energies and about meditation. Story nine Help Towards Happiness Lights will talk about it more. What my nagging inner voice tried to tell me all along was to watch my own energy levels, to find my inner peace and to do what I love doing. I had reached the point in my life where I was ready to start listening.
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Tips to Stop Postponing Feeling Happy

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We can feel happy at any time! So what can we do to stop postponing feeling happy?

Here are my 5 tips from my stories so far:

  1. Don’t have rules for defining your happiness  

    Happiness is a choice…

  2. Don’t fight what is happening in your life 

    Embrace it instead and find enjoyment in it…

  3. Don’t push on things that don’t work 

    Put your energy into things that do…

  4. Don’t wait for permission to change anything in your life 

    Do what feels right for you…

  5. Don’t think that you need anyone or anything else for your happiness

    You are more than enough…

“Happiness is a state of mind, not a set of circumstances.” ― Richard Carlson

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Story Seven: Unbelievable, My Mr Right!

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FRESHLY divorced and close to my 25th birthday I finally saw the cycle I was entangled in. It wasn’t pretty and I wanted out of it. I didn’t want to be in a victim mode anymore and attract the wrong men, actually I reached the point where I didn’t want to attract anybody. I started appreciating myself more, enjoying company of my friends, just being happy and grateful for the smallest things. When I started pursuing my own happiness, that’s when my friend invited me to her birthday party and I met my Mr Right. Everything suddenly fell into the place and I couldn’t believe that:

  1. James and I both fell in love with each other at the first sight (you can’t make these things up!)

  2. We were inseparable since the first moment that we met and within the first hour I told James everything about myself (and he didn’t think I was a nutcase, no he thought that I was amazing!)

  3. He sent me a good morning text message early the next day (no games of waiting like before!)

  4. We met for a date the next day and we spent the whole day talking about everything (and walked half of London in doing so!)

  5. I have never felt happier, I knew from the first moment that this was ‘It’ (and there would be no more searching!)

It was and it is still too good to be true. At the time I thought that if I knew that I would meet James, I would just wait and didn’t bother with anyone else. I know now that every experience however painful had to take place, so I could meet James and appreciate what I have now with him. If I took a different turn in my story, we would have never met. Sometimes when we are amidst the worst pain, we don’t see the reason behind it happening, it is only with time that we recognise it. I learned many things from my earlier stories and I can now honestly say that I don’t regret any of them and that I wouldn’t change any of them. I am grateful that all my earlier stories taken place and paved the way for me to meet my Mr Right.  

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Story Six: Dating Games, part 2 – Seeing a Colleague

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GOING through a divorce at the age of 24 and just being dumped by a boyfriend for an unknown reason, I still wanted to be in a relationship. I thought that I couldn’t be happy if I was single and alone and I was scared. At a work party on a boat I was having a good time dancing with one of my colleagues whom I didn’t really know (I will call him Matt), but I knew him by his reputation. He was a good dancer and we had lot of fun dancing together. I knew that he was dating one colleague after another, but I didn’t mind, we were only dancing together. Matt was British and his conquests were all foreign girls. I saw the colleague who I knew was currently seeing him watching us dancing together. She didn’t look annoyed at all and I assumed that they must have broken up and the gossip about it had not spread yet. After we got off the boat, Matt asked me to come with him and some other colleagues to a night club. I was tempted, but knowing his reputation I said no and went home instead.
I kept seeing Matt at work and I found myself thinking about his boyish charm when I was home alone. I was right, he and my colleague were no longer seeing each other. He was free to date and so was I. ‘Mr Right’ was not making his appearance and I was so unhappy being single. I decided to ask Matt out for a drink on the weekend. We lived quite close to each other in London terms and we agreed to meet in my local bar. Whilst talking together I realised soon enough that we had nothing in common and we didn’t really have anything to talk about. I was upset about it, he was so good looking. I wrote off the idea of dating Matt in my head, but I was not ready for what had soon followed. Out of the blue Matt leaned forward and very confidently kissed me. I don’t know what came over me and before I knew it, we were kissing in the bar. We started to secretly date as I didn’t want anyone from work to know. I knew this was a bad idea. I knew that this relationship would not last long, but it was so comforting to be in somebody’s arms, dampening my fear of being alone. I knew that Matt was not in love with me and I was not in love with him either. One day it dawned on me that I had to stop this charade and tell Matt that we would no longer see each other. Soon enough he started to date another colleague and I didn’t mind one bit. I signed myself up for an online dating as I was not ready to wait patiently and hope to meet somebody by chance. I was hoping that I would meet someone nice there, but the opposite was true.  When I slowed down, accepted myself, decided what was good for me and what I would no longer accept, I met my ‘Mr Right’ almost instantly. My story seven ‘Unbelievable, My Mr Right’ will talk about it more.
From seeing Matt and trying to meet men online, I learned that it is not worth pressing on things which are not working and hoping that they magically start running. This way we are only postponing our happiness and are closed for something new and better to come into our lives. I was in a rush, not listening that everything has its own time. My fear was driving me into actions which I would have never done under other circumstances. I didn’t want to hear that I was in a right emotional mess from the earlier events and not in a good place to start a serious relationship. Only later on, when I faced my fear, the doors opened and new experiences effortlessly followed. I am thankful to Matt that he was there for me to hold me during the time when I was frozen solid by my fear. I am grateful that I didn’t meet my ‘Mr Right’ during this time when I was in such a bad place. What I didn’t know then was, that my happiness does not depend on anybody else and that I am enough.
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Story Six: Dating Games, part 1 – Seeing a Schoolmate

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WELL, I was 24 years old and going through an online divorce, which was possible to do as Jim and I didn’t own much together. I happily left everything behind and only took what was mine, I needed a fresh start without ties to Jim.
I was in a new job, working for an amazing company where I met some great colleagues. I made firm friends who became my second family. The job paid well too, so I was able to rent a cosy flat by myself, albeit sacrificing half of my monthly salary to do it. I felt a strong need to be alone and to get to know my real self. So far, I had been under the influences of other people and it was high time to live alone for the first time. It was extremely hard at first and I had to have my friends around me most of the time, as I couldn’t face being by myself, being alone with my own unhappy thoughts. Some months later I slowly started to cherish being alone and doing things which I wanted to do, unrestricted by others, for the first time in my life.
I was in my second year of external study at a university, happy to be back on my initial happiness plan. I started meeting with some of my classmates in the evenings, after the lectures and I found out that one of them was my neighbour (I will call him Tim). It was not long before we became an item. He was handsome and I couldn’t believe that he would be interested in me. I knew that intellectually we were worlds apart, but I didn’t stop his advances. He seemed wholly smitten by me, texting me all the time how much he missed me. I liked him too, he was freshly different from my ex and I was enjoying myself being in a relationship again. Four weeks into our dating, he went for a two weeks holiday with his brother. When he came back and we met in the class, he acted like he had never known me. I was completely at a loss. What must have happened on that holiday? I have never asked him about it, I was too proud and hurt. I was angry, as I still felt vulnerable from my marriage break up and this hit me so out of the blue. It felt like a blow below the belt. I didn’t want to be single, so I desperately looked around for possible boyfriends. My story six ‘Dating Games, part 2 – Seeing a Colleague’ will talk about this.
I see now how desperation for something makes us do foolish things. I was blinded and I didn’t listen to my intuition which was saying that Tim wasn’t the right person for me. I understand now that it was crucial for me to date Tim so soon after I had left Jim. It showed me that I could date other men and prevented me from slipping slowly back to my ex husband. I am glad now that our dating was so short and neither of us got hurt more. It shook me that someone could and did leave me so abruptly. This was a valuable lesson for me as I have never again taken any relationships for granted.cropped-light