FAST forward nine years and I was 34 years old, having my life nicely on my happiness track. Or did I? I was annoyed with myself that I still didn’t feel happy all the time. ‘Maybe I am one of those people that can’t be happy?’ I wondered. I have tried to be content and happy for so long! James and I were stronger than ever, we had a cosy fairytale wedding and we bought our dream house in the countryside. OK, I didn’t really like my job, but then who does? (…hmm, actually quite a lot of people!) It pays the mortgage on our lovely house and for our active holidays to Italy. ‘Besides I don’t have skills to do anything else.’ I kept telling myself. Did I feel restless because I was still not pregnant after two years of trying? Of course I did.
I was stressed from work, lying down on the sofa and browsing the Internet at 3 o’clock in the morning again. Then I saw something wonderful! A course on writing fiction. I didn’t remember the last time I was so excited and I signed myself up for it. ‘This is it! Why didn’t I think of it earlier?’ I was wondering. I always wanted to write and my head is constantly spinning with stories. It is just that my life got in the way. ‘I can do this!’ I was sure. I have the imagination (sometimes too much of it…) and I used to tell and write stories as a child. ‘How could I have blocked this out?’ I was amazed. During the course I could feel a long lost energy rushing back through my body and I felt so happy to be creating stories and characters again. After the course, full of drive, I started to work on my first book. I knew exactly what it was going to be about. After a while I realised that I was losing too much energy at work and I just didn’t have enough left to do what I felt so passionate about. I needed the weekend to recover from the work week and I slowly ceased writing, my life was getting in the way again.
I was then sent kicking and screaming to this huge conference from work. I didn’t know at the time that this would change my life and finally shake me awake. At the conference I learned about our energies and about meditation. Story nine Help Towards Happiness Lights will talk about it more. What my nagging inner voice tried to tell me all along was to watch my own energy levels, to find my inner peace and to do what I love doing. I had reached the point in my life where I was ready to start listening.