Story Six: Dating Games, part 2 – Seeing a Colleague

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GOING through a divorce at the age of 24 and just being dumped by a boyfriend for an unknown reason, I still wanted to be in a relationship. I thought that I couldn’t be happy if I was single and alone and I was scared. At a work party on a boat I was having a good time dancing with one of my colleagues whom I didn’t really know (I will call him Matt), but I knew him by his reputation. He was a good dancer and we had lot of fun dancing together. I knew that he was dating one colleague after another, but I didn’t mind, we were only dancing together. Matt was British and his conquests were all foreign girls. I saw the colleague who I knew was currently seeing him watching us dancing together. She didn’t look annoyed at all and I assumed that they must have broken up and the gossip about it had not spread yet. After we got off the boat, Matt asked me to come with him and some other colleagues to a night club. I was tempted, but knowing his reputation I said no and went home instead.
I kept seeing Matt at work and I found myself thinking about his boyish charm when I was home alone. I was right, he and my colleague were no longer seeing each other. He was free to date and so was I. ‘Mr Right’ was not making his appearance and I was so unhappy being single. I decided to ask Matt out for a drink on the weekend. We lived quite close to each other in London terms and we agreed to meet in my local bar. Whilst talking together I realised soon enough that we had nothing in common and we didn’t really have anything to talk about. I was upset about it, he was so good looking. I wrote off the idea of dating Matt in my head, but I was not ready for what had soon followed. Out of the blue Matt leaned forward and very confidently kissed me. I don’t know what came over me and before I knew it, we were kissing in the bar. We started to secretly date as I didn’t want anyone from work to know. I knew this was a bad idea. I knew that this relationship would not last long, but it was so comforting to be in somebody’s arms, dampening my fear of being alone. I knew that Matt was not in love with me and I was not in love with him either. One day it dawned on me that I had to stop this charade and tell Matt that we would no longer see each other. Soon enough he started to date another colleague and I didn’t mind one bit. I signed myself up for an online dating as I was not ready to wait patiently and hope to meet somebody by chance. I was hoping that I would meet someone nice there, but the opposite was true.  When I slowed down, accepted myself, decided what was good for me and what I would no longer accept, I met my ‘Mr Right’ almost instantly. My story seven ‘Unbelievable, My Mr Right’ will talk about it more.
From seeing Matt and trying to meet men online, I learned that it is not worth pressing on things which are not working and hoping that they magically start running. This way we are only postponing our happiness and are closed for something new and better to come into our lives. I was in a rush, not listening that everything has its own time. My fear was driving me into actions which I would have never done under other circumstances. I didn’t want to hear that I was in a right emotional mess from the earlier events and not in a good place to start a serious relationship. Only later on, when I faced my fear, the doors opened and new experiences effortlessly followed. I am thankful to Matt that he was there for me to hold me during the time when I was frozen solid by my fear. I am grateful that I didn’t meet my ‘Mr Right’ during this time when I was in such a bad place. What I didn’t know then was, that my happiness does not depend on anybody else and that I am enough.
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